:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

:lol: Grace Jones ist besonders hübsch :lol:

Personalführung ist die Kunst, den Mitarbeiter so schnell über den
Tisch zu ziehen, daß er die Reibungshitze als Nestwärme empfindet!

Ein Ehepaar aus München beschloß, eine Woche Ferien n der Südsee zu
verbringen, um für kurze Zeit dem eisigkalten Winter in Deutschland
zu entfliehen.
Weil beide berufstätig waren, hatten sie unterschiedliche Abflugtermine. Also ergab es sich, daß er am Donnerstag
abreiste und sie ihm am nächsten Tag folgen sollte.

Angekommen, wie geplant, bezog der Ehemann das
Hotelzimmer. Sofort nahm er seinen Laptop, um seiner Frau in München
eine e-mail zu schreiben.
Unglücklicherweise ließ er einen Buchstaben in ihrer
e-mail-Adresse aus und versendete die Nachricht, ohne den Fehler zu
bemerken.

In Hamburg kam gerade eine frischgebackene Witwe von
der Beerdigung ihres Gatten.
Ein treuer Staatsdiener, der 'ehrenvoll heimgerufen'
wurde durch eine Herzattacke. In Erwartung von Anteilnahme aus
Freundes- und Bekanntenkreisen prüfte sie ihre e-mails. Während sie
die erste Nachricht las, fiel sie ohnmächtig zu Boden.
Der Sohn der Witwe eilte in das Zimmer, sah seine Mutter auf dem
Boden liegen und blickte auf den Bildschirm.

To: Meiner geliebten Frau
From: Deinem nun getrennten Mann
Subject: Bin angekommen!
Eben bin ich angekommen und hab schon eingecheckt.
Ich sehe, daß alles bestens vorbereitet ist, für
Deine Ankunft morgen.
Freue mich schon, Dich zu sehen!
Hoffe, Deine Reise ist genauso angenehm, wie meine war.

PS: Verdammt heiß hier unten!

http://www.lachen-ist-gesund-3.de/bi...verse01_02.jpg
mfg.morph.
:tux:

morph:
habs schon mal afaik

Schwimmen einbeinige Enten im Kreis?

RULES FOR CATS WHO HAVE A HOUSE TO RUN
I. DOORS:
Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and
out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS:
If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III. BATHROOMS:
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.

IV. HAMPERING:
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following are the rules for "hampering":
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting
needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you. d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper!
First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the
second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING:
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their co-ordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME:
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

leider hat der typ, der das gepostet hat, die ärgeren sachen rausgelöscht..
schade.. wär sicher interessant gewesen..

Subject: The new 2002 Dictionary

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUZZIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BOOZE CRUISE
A night out drinking with your mates.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise,even though you're too p!ssed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e." I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first p!ss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e. g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

BUDGIE'S TONGUE
The female erection.

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

FLOGGING ON
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

F*ckSh*tF*ckSh*tF*ckSh*t
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A MCSH!T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh!t With Lies.

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually bugger-all in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up,whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

Kenn ich in einer anderen Version:


Der Papa liegt in der Nacht gerade auf der Mama und werkelt herum, kommt der kleine Franzi ins Schlafzimmer. Als er die beiden so beobachtet fragt er: Du Papa, was machst denn du da mit der Mama?

Ja weisst du Franzi, ich stell gerade mein kleines Auto in die Garage!

Sagt der Franzi: Ja Papa, dann gib Gas, die Hinterräder sind noch heraussen !