Flight Crew Training

[Simeon S]

Heute soll die Betatest Phase für die PMDG B777 beginnen. Damit Eure bald folgenden Flüge auch einen gewissen Unterhaltungswert besitzen und die Stuardessen auch im Falle eine nicht so ganz gelungen Landung (besonders in den ersten Wochen) gut reagieren können, habe ich hier einige Beispiele, die ihr ins Protokoll für solche Ansagen aufnehmen könnt:

IN-FLIGHT SAFETY LECTURE

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to
make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines "There may be 50 ways to
leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of
this airplane... Two at the front, two over the wing
and two at the rear."

2. Pilot -- "Folks, we have reached our cruising
altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt
sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a
bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it
affects the flight pattern."

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta
Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the
business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
ride."

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
loudspeaker:"Whoa, big fella. WHOA"

5. After a particularly rough landing during
thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a
Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has
shifted."

6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome
aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your
seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt
and if you don't know how to operate one, you
pro-bably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you
have a small child traveling with you, secure your
mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which
one you love more."

7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you or your money, more than Southwest Air-
lines."

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and
in the event of an emergency water landing, please
take them with our compliments."

9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."

10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We
are pleased to have some of the best flight atten-
dants in the industry ... Unfortunately none of them
are on this flight..."

12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy
day. During the final approach, the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and
announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our
airplane to the gate."

13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than
perfect landing: We ask you to please remain seated
as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular
flight he had hammered his ship into the runway
really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for
flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his
bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passen-
gers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off ex-
cept for this little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why
no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little
old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the
Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke
has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll
open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."

16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announce-
ment: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with
us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US
Airways."